Moving On
by MarigoldMusings
Summary: Response to Gone Baby Gone...with Tucker, of course
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N:**_ _Since the worst breakup of all time (fiction or non-fiction), I have watched (or endured) the show with "what if Tucker were there" in the back of my mind. This is due first to my undying love for the ship but also to the way S18 ended the relationship. By now you know how I feel, no need to harp on that point. Anyway, the "putting OMB through the wringer" theme of this season along with the apparent refusal to even subtly hint at Tucker has made me miss him even more, but, more importantly, it's made me sad that Benson doesn't have his rock-solid presence in her life as Nooch & Company pummel her._

 _This is a one shot for now. I prefer to live in my fluffy AU._

…

Even with lights flashing and sirens blazing, traffic leading into LaGuardia could not be easily circumvented. Out of the corner of his eye, Fin glanced at Benson. The Lieutenant rocked back and forth and clawed at her head, perhaps literally trying not to lose her mind, and certain to yank out handfuls of hair if the SUV had to suddenly veer in one direction or another. Once off Grand Central Parkway and nearing the terminal, Olivia gripped the door handle. When the SUV came to yet another dead stop, she pushed the door open.

Incredulous, Fin asked through clenched teeth, " _Liv_ , whaddya doin?"

"Terminal D. Right up there. I can get there faster on foot."

Fin twisted around in the driver's seat. She was right. Construction had eliminated emergency lanes and this particular stretch of airport access road was hopelessly bottlenecked. Also, there was no stopping her anyway.

"Got everything?"

"Yes. And not a word to anyone. Not Dodds. Not the FBI. Nobody."

"Got it," he answered reluctantly. It wasn't that he didn't believe in her. He did. But he wished she wasn't insisting on going alone. "Good luck, Liv."

Chin trembling, she responded with a desperate yet determined expression, slammed the door, and jogged toward the entrance, snaking her way around cars. When he finally lost sight of her, Fin focused on getting back to the precinct as quickly as possible. In case Chief Dodds was there waiting, he rehearsed the most plausible explanations, so their boss would have no reason to question the lie that Benson was at home, anxiously waiting for news with Noah's nanny at her side.

 _Yes_ , Fin thought, _gotta have Lucy there with her. Sounds more believable. And that way he won't think he needs to go over there himself. Not that the dickhead would anyway._

Though not without delay, the ride back to Manhattan took significantly less time than the drive to the airport, and Fin breathed a sigh of relief when he found the squad room nearly empty. Other than the presence of the desk sergeant, he was alone. Fin opened his computer and began searching databases for any proof Sheila Porter had access to handguns. On the way to the airport, Olivia balked at the suggestion she could be armed, but Fin refused to so flippantly dismiss the possibility. According to the database, Sheila had never applied for nor did she possess a handgun permit and no firearms were registered in her name, at least not in New York. Frustrated, Fin tossed his pen aside. Her home state of New Hampshire had liberal gun laws, so there was no way to know if she or a family member purchased or owned a firearm in that state.

"Took a whole five minutes," he grumbled sarcastically to himself. Part of his efforts had been to kill time and he was dreadfully unsuccessful. He stared at the computer screen. Dozens and dozens of data at his fingertips, and none of it could magically put Noah back in his mother's care. "Goddam shame," he muttered.

Fin sat back and folded his hands behind his head. He hoped Rollins and Carisi would remember to keep him apprised of their progress. He spent a few minutes berating himself for relenting so quickly when Olivia insisted on going solo.

"I'm off the case, _remember_?" She'd snapped. Frustrated, Olivia's eyes fluttered open and closed and she regretfully waved her hands in the air. "Fin, I'm sorry."

"Don't even worry about it," Fin replied. "Just…be careful," he added, the Chief's warning about rash decisions resonating in his head.

"I'm going to get my son," she declared.

Her words were steadfast, assured, but he had never seen her so terrified.

He glanced at the clock. Surely she was in the air now, futilely trying to will the plane to go faster, maybe she was staring out the window into the blackness of the cold December night and agonizingly wondering if Noah was unharmed, warm, and in the place where Olivia thought he was.

An hour or so later Rollins called in to report she and Carisi struck out in Derry, left Juan Ortoli in lockup at the local precinct, and were checking into a hotel room for the night. Even over the phone, she could tell Fin was holding something back, and after some cajoling, learned of the Lieutenant's actions.

"I'll leave her a message," Rollins said, "But even if she doesn't call back…this cabin's in Franconia?"

"Yeah." Fin heard Carisi's voice in the background. "Boy wonder got the directions up?"

"About two hours away. Do you have the address?"

"No, Liv has all that, but I can get it. But Rollins, this is Liv's play…you show up and somethin' goes wrong…"

"Don't worry," Rollins replied, "I'll wait to hear from her."

Pretending to believe her, Fin smirked, muttered a goodbye, and hung up. He felt better now that he knew Rollins and Carisi were close and were at least going to shadow Olivia as she made her way north to the Franconia property.

Suddenly, Fin screwed up his face in response to the thought that unexpectedly popped into his head. He clicked his tongue and objected to his own idea

" _Naw_."

But, for almost a year, Tucker had been in Noah's life. In Olivia's life. Fin knew nothing more about their breakup other than her trite, "it just didn't work out." Pessimistic about relationships himself, he was nevertheless saddened for Olivia and somewhat taken aback by the abrupt and unexplained split.

" _Damn_."

Acknowledging Olivia might kill him later, Fin began digging for Ed Tucker's contact information.

….

California struck Ed Tucker as strange and almost as foreign as the other countries he'd visited in his lifetime. Diners offered scrambled eggs with avocado. Restaurant chefs, at least at the establishments his daughter frequented, prided themselves on their locally grown, chemical-free, organic ingredients, and there was an apparent ban on cooking with salt—Ed found himself instinctively grabbing for the salt shakers every time he was presented with a plate of food. The outside temperature always felt the same—comfortably warm without humidity—and the homes in the neighborhoods just outside Los Angeles had the same uniformity. Three bedrooms. Two baths. Swimming pool. Cement exterior painted one of the five HOA-approved colors and topped with rust-colored Spanish tile.

Traffic snarled interstates at all hours of the day, and public transportation provided little reprieve. Other than his daughter being happy there, the area's only saving grace was its proximity to the ocean.

Since retiring, Ed made a point to spend more time with his only child. They'd taken a vacation together earlier that spring and Ed was now wrapping up a three-week Thanksgiving stay with her and her live-in boyfriend. They both worked during the day, and Ed had fallen into a relaxing yet mundane routine of a mid-morning drive to the shore, a walk on the beach, a casual lunch, and then back to her house for a nap by the pool. He'd come to California intending to clear his head and decide on his next steps. Regrettably, his flight back to New York was in two days, and he'd come to only two conclusions, neither of which were terribly groundbreaking. First, he was definitely not moving out west. And second, he could not live a life of pure leisure.

Ed heard the sliding glass door open and close and his daughter surreptitiously approach him, assuming he was asleep.

"Dad?" She said softly.

"Hey," he smiled at her, "How was your day?"

"Good," she held out his phone, "This was inside plugged in, but it rang when I came in and I noticed a bunch of other missed calls."

"Thanks." Ed entered his passcode. Sure enough there were five missed calls from the same number, but the caller had left only one voicemail. Ed navigated to that page and listened.

"Tucker, hey, it's Detective Tutuola, listen…"

Ed stopped the message and immediately called him back.

….

Olivia barged her way off the airplane and hustled through the terminal. She clutched her phone and kept her other hand in her coat pocket, ready to flash her badge at any moment. Before exiting and finding a taxi, she made herself stop, breathe, and concentrate on the hours ahead. By her calculations, the cabin was two hours away, which meant her arrival time would be in the middle of the night; darkness would predominate and make navigation difficult.

She read Rollins' texts, beginning with _we have a solid lead_ and ending with _dead end_. By the time she sent the last message, Olivia was already headed for Manchester. She opted not to communicate with Fin; she was blatantly violating Dodds' orders, so if he found out and made good on his threats, he could be absolved of all responsibility.

There was one other message. It displayed as a number not a name and read:

 _Liv, I'm on my way, and when I get there, whatever I can do to help, I'll do_.

Olivia wasn't sure of the sender's identity. Cassidy? No. Her message had been clear. She wanted nothing more to do with him. No exceptions. Besides, she had a hard time believing he was selfless enough to drag himself all the way to New Hampshire.

 _I'm on my way. I'm on my way._

 _Whatever I can do to help._

 _Liv_.

"Oh my God," she murmured. A civilian now, he had to get a different phone and she didn't blame him for changing the number. She read the message again and heard his voice repeating the words.

It was Ed.

…..

Once the former Captain was seated and served a pre-flight bourbon, he pulled out his phone and typed, deleted, and retyped drafts of texts to Olivia. If all went well, he would arrive in New York well after Noah had been safely rescued and returned home, but Ed Tucker was trained to consider and assess all possible scenarios. Though he had the utmost confidence in his former girlfriend, Noah's grandmother, per Fin's description, was a wild card and nobody was sure what she would do if cornered. Ed tilted his wrist and checked his silver watch; Olivia would probably be landing as his flight was taking off. She would then be consumed with her semi-rogue mission, and have no time to answer his inquiries.

Maybe he would send her a brief message. Just to let her know he was on his way. And thinking of her. And when he landed, if she and Noah were not reunited, he would do anything he could to make it happen.

But why?

Why reach out again?

Why did he even bother with the extra cost of changing his flight plans and haphazardly shoving his belongings into his suitcase and giving his daughter a hurried hug and kiss goodbye before practically sprinting to the waiting Uber?

He hadn't spoken to Olivia since last summer, and she hadn't sounded happy to hear from him.

….

 _Ed followed a resident into Olivia's building and was shocked to see the doorman standing dutifully at his post and free from distractions. Ed nodded cordially and stepped toward the elevator, but the doorman stopped him._

" _The Lieutenant just left. In a hurry."_

 _Wondering if Olivia had instructed building staff to block any of Ed's efforts to visit her, Ed backed way without protest. He asked for a piece of paper and a pen and quickly scribbled a note. He placed the paper in the bag with the stuffed elephant and handed it to the doorman._

" _See that she gets this, okay?"_

" _Will do."_

 _Ed walked back out into the muggy July afternoon and found himself wishing he were back in Namibia. He'd spent the past ten days as third wheel, tagging along with his daughter and her boyfriend on safari in Etosha National Park. Ed had initially refused the offer, and the original proposal had included Olivia and Noah._

" _Dad! We got a great deal on this resort, right in the park, it's kid friendly! I know Noah has a passport, why don't you three come too!"_

 _Two months after the breakup, Ed had to finally break the news to his daughter. It was the first time he'd verbalized it, and the words cut a new wound where the old one was beginning to heal. He remembered his daughter falling silent, probably wondering why he'd taken so long to tell her and also searching for some type of compassionate reasoning about why this was, perhaps, for the best._

" _All the more reason for you to come then," she said, "Get your mind off it."_

 _The last time Ed had been on a long flight was the trip to Paris, so he wasn't confident in the journey's diversionary purposes, but he was retired, had vowed to travel more, and had nothing else to do._

 _He went and had a much better time than he'd predicted. The weather was perfect, the excursions into the park were spectacular, and the evenings were peaceful. There was a communal gathering area in the courtyard of their hotel, and they spent hours after dinner listening to live, local music._

 _For a while, he was able to "get his mind off it."_

 _Then, on their last full day, new visitors arrived-two young couples and one family of four. At night the kids wildly ran around, winding their way in and out of the lounge chairs and metal tables. However, the youngest one, weary from travel, tired quickly and retreated to his mother's lap. Ed's path inside to his room took him near the family and he noticed the little one clutching a stuffed elephant. The next day, Ed found the souvenir in the gift shop and immediately purchased it for Noah. It was unlike any of his other toys, and even though the little boy's memories of him were probably fading, the idea of giving him one last present comforted Ed._

….

Finding a taxi driver willing to drive to Franconia proved to be challenging. Olivia impatiently badgered the taxi stand attendant, incredulous that any of the drivers were allowed to pick and choose where they transported passengers. Even when the attendant found someone, he warned her about the exorbitant fare. Olivia glared at him and slammed the door.

Grateful for the driver's silence, Olivia stared at the scenery as they ascended into the mountains. So far, the winter had been without significant snowfall. There were no lingering remnants of the state's vaunted fall colors; everything was brown, barren, and uninviting. They passed a few shacks visible from the road, and Olivia felt a new round of panic burning in her chest. Earlier she acknowledged that even though Sheila taking Noah was horrifying, there was a silver lining. At least she wouldn't hurt him. But seeing these rudimentary structures filled Olivia's imagination with terrible images. Was Noah cold? Shivering? Had he eaten? Did he have water? Was he in a bed?

Panic briefly turned to rage and Olivia stared at her gun.

…..

Tucker's flight landed in Newark a few minutes before eight a.m. and he immediately called Fin. The detective picked up and informed him Noah had been safely recovered without incident, Sheila was in custody, and Olivia and Noah were on their way back to New York with Rollins and Carisi. He apologized for bothering Tucker.

"Something told me…you should know," Fin explained.

"Sure," Tucker replied, "Thanks."

He gave the driver his address and sat back in the middle of the backseat, debating what to do next. Understandably, Olivia hadn't responded to his message. Maybe she hadn't received it—he'd sent it from the air, using the airplane's wifi. But there was no error message and his texts to his daughter arrived successfully.

Tucker groaned. He hadn't cut his trip short for nothing. Steeling himself for more rejection, he called Olivia.

…..

 _The thank-you call began without opening pleasantries. "Hey," she said, sounding like she was in a hurry. "Thank you for the elephant. He loves it."_

" _You're welcome, I—"_

" _I told him it was from you," she continued, "That was…difficult."_

" _I, uh…" Ed stammered. He hadn't considered the gift's problematic implications. "Sorry, I, uh, wasn't thinking."_

 _Ignoring the apology, Olivia said, "He named it Eddie."_

 _Was she trying to completely obliterate his heart?_

 _He breathed in sharply and did his best to sound aloof. "It won't happen again."_

" _Ed," she sighed, suddenly contrite, "I didn't mean…I wasn't prepared for…more questions…about you."_

" _Like I said," he muttered, "It won't happen again. Bye, Liv."_

….

After the patrol car disappeared around the bend, Olivia carried Noah to the waiting SUV without bothering to reenter the cabin for Noah's shoes or any other belongings. They settled in the back seat, and Carisi and Rollins successfully led lighthearted small talk, creating for Noah the allusion that nothing was wrong. Nevertheless, both detectives snuck glances at their Lieutenant, and they knew it would take her a while, if not a lifetime, to recover from the terror of the past twenty-four hours.

Noah began the ride excitedly peering outside. Spotting deer apparently satisfied his curiosity and he rested against Olivia for the final two hours. The SUV fell silent until they were about twenty miles from the city.

"Lieutenant," Carisi said, "We'll take you home then finish the reports, have the precinct Lieutenant at Manhattan South file them. Nobody'll know you're involved."

"Thanks," Olivia replied softly. Deep down she was furious at Chief Dodds and almost wanted him to find out she'd ignored his directive. How dare he ask her to stand down? Hadn't he been one of the first on scene when Munson held Mike hostage?

"It's all over," Rollins said, doing her best to sound comforting.

"I'm going to…take some time," Olivia said, "Fin'll take over, but… _thank you_ , both of you, for everything. You did a great job."

"More than a job, Lieu," Sonny said, "Nobody messes with family."

"That's right," Rollins added. "Nobody."

…..

At home, Olivia changed a sleepy Noah out of the too-big pajamas and into a pair of his own. He stirred and his head lolled about. He mumbled about pancakes and spaghetti and deer. Olivia rocked him for a while, holding him like a baby. She closed her eyes and was close to dozing off herself when a noise jerked her wide-awake. Instantly realizing it was the ice maker, she nevertheless needed several deep breaths. When she sufficiently calmed down, she carried Noah to his bed. He turned on his side, settling in against his pillow though most of his head rested on Eddie the Elephant.

 _Eddie_.

The text.

The missed calls.

Never one to put much stock in abstract symbolism or the metaphysical, Olivia couldn't help but smile a little at the thought that Eddie had been with Noah all along.

It was not yet noon, but Olivia opened a bottle of wine and poured a small portion into a regular juice glass. She hadn't turned on the baby monitor for at least a year, but she did so now, reentering Noah's room to power on the camera and carrying the iPad to the coffee table.

The first call to Ed went unanswered. At first she suspected he ignored it on purpose but immediately dismissed the thought. He wouldn't do that. She waited several minutes.

 _I'm on my way back_.

Back from where? Probably from a visit with his daughter, but, considering he'd been to _Africa_ , it was quite possible he'd jetted back to New York from another exotic locale. All that for her and for her son.

 _Whatever I can do to help, I'll do_.

The last time they spoke, she'd been so rude to him. She didn't deserve this type of grace. But then again, it was for Noah, not her.

Noah.

Explaining Ed's absence had been easy at first. She'd been able to deflect Noah's inquiries with "not today" and "he's not here" and "maybe some other time" until he stopped asking questions altogether. But when he learned the elephant was from Ed, and Olivia pointed out on a map where the present had come from, the questions regarding Ed's whereabouts began anew. Older now, Noah did not relent as easily as he'd done a year ago.

Olivia cringed.

She'd eliminated Noah's opportunity to have a Daddy. In a moment of feeling hopelessly overwhelmed, Olivia had jumped the gun and cut Ed out of their lives. And right when she thought she'd moved on, the elephant showed up, reminding her how much she missed Ed.

And as it turned out, Noah did, too.

Ed called back and Olivia immediately launched into an apology which Ed dismissed as unnecessary. Olivia minced words at first, mumbling vague phrases, but, as if she spontaneously realized she was talking to the man she'd trusted with all her heart and soul, the floodgates opened and she rambled. She briefly explained Sheila's entrance into their lives, berated herself for trusting her, described the frantic search for her son, and when she finally paused to catch her breath, apologized for the verbal barrage.

"Damn, Liv. I…there's been so much goin' on."

"That's not even the whole story," she muttered. "But…I'm sure you don't want to listen to more of this. Ed, I really appreciate you…coming back to New York, wanting to be here when I was so…so terrible to you before."

Ignoring the latter comment, Ed replied, "I'll listen to whatever you want to tell me."

This made Olivia feel even worse, but she wasn't ready for more disclosure. She was exhausted and edgy and needed quiet.

"I know," she said, "But I…he's sleeping right now and I can't stand to have him out of my sight. I, uh, I'll call you sometime this week?"

"Sure. Take care, Liv."

Olivia went back to Noah's room and watched him sleep from the rocking chair.

At his apartment, Ed poured a bourbon, assuming _"I'll call you sometime this week"_ was the emptiest of all promises.

…

 **#Tuckson**


	2. Chapter 2

**_Picks up during Benson's time off…_**

"Noah," Olivia called as she entered her son's room, "Somebody's here to see you! And he brought pizza!"

Surprised and excited, Noah ran into the living room.

"ED!"

"Hey, bud!" Tucker opened his arms wide and Noah sprinted into his arms for a bear hug. "Good to see ya." Ed started to put Noah down, but the little boy buried his head into Ed's neck and tightened his grip.

"Where ya been?" Noah asked when he finally agreed to be placed back on his feet.

"California."

"Is California close to Africa where Eddie's from?"

"Not really, bud. It's kinda far away. And California's pretty far from New York."

"Didja bring me another present?" Noah asked hopefully.

" _Noah_ ," Olivia admonished, "That wasn't polite."

Both Ed and Noah ignored her. "No, bud," Ed replied, mussing his hair, "I was in too much of a hurry to get back to New York. But the next trip I'll bring ya something." He eyed Olivia and an uncomfortable silence ensued as Noah soaked up more of Tucker's embrace.

Suddenly pizza seemed like a bad idea. It had been almost a year since the three of them had sat down together for a meal, and jumping back into that domestic setting was easier said than done.

Luckily, Noah wasn't fazed.

"C'mon!" He said, "Lemme show ya my baseball plate!"

"Baseball plate?"

"Yeah, Grandma Sheila got it for me." Noah ran into the kitchen and came back with a green partitioned dinner plate adorned with symbols of America's pastime.

The blood drained from Olivia's face. Seeing her suddenly ashen countenance, a pit formed in Ed's stomach.

"Y'know," Ed said cheerfully, "I've been eatin' pizza right outta the box." He retrieved the pie from the counter and put it on the coffee table. "Like this. In front of the TV."

Noah looked to his mother and, near tears, she nodded. As she walked by Ed to take her place on the sofa, she gave his forearm a grateful squeeze.

Noah dragged his child-sized easy chair over and wasted no time digging in.

"Good?" Ed asked.

"Uh-huh," Noah answered through a mouthful of cheese and tomato sauce.

He drove the conversation, asking whether or not there was snow in California and listening, wide-eyed, to Ed as he described the ocean waves and watching surfers during his morning walks on the beach. Noah mentioned Grandma Sheila's cabin and that she "had to go away" before he got the chance to see deer.

"But we saw one in the car with Amanda and Sonny!" He added cheerfully.

Though they were a cushion apart, Ed felt Olivia's muscles tense and her back go rigid. Once again, he had mixed feelings about being in her presence, and he decided to eat as quickly as possible without letting on he was in a hurry to leave. He snuck peripheral glances at Olivia. Dressed casually in jeans and a hooded zip-up sweatshirt, she tucked her legs under her body and ate her pizza deliberately. She'd pinned her hair back and loose strands fell across her cheeks. Ed loved that look—he loved how those stray pieces of brown hair always seemed perfectly placed and never seemed to move unless he played with them which he often did.

Sadness accumulated in his chest.

 _She was supposed to be his wife_.

"Ed? You wanna play a game?"

Noah's eyes were so big and hopeful, Ed felt horrible saying he had to leave, but it was for the best. Olivia hadn't said more than a handful of words. She wasn't impolite, but her head was clearly elsewhere. Ed's plan to swoop in and make everything better simply by being there had failed miserably.

"Alright," Noah sighed in response to the bad news. "But ya gotta say goodnight to Eddie." He sprinted away to his room.

Ed and Olivia lingered in the foyer, avoiding eye contact. Olivia adjusted the coats on the rack and stuck one of Noah's beanies into the arm of a jacket.

"Here he is!"

After wholeheartedly greeting Eddie and asking how well he was adjusting to life in the United States, Ed handed the stuffed elephant back to Noah and said goodbye to the five-year-old.

Noah hugged his knees. "Ya gonna come back?"

Ed patted Noah's head and made cautious eye contact with Olivia.

"We'll call Ed soon," she said in a hushed voice.

Though vague, the assurance appeased Noah and he scampered back into the living room. Ed shifted his weight from one foot to the other and shoved his hands into his pockets only to take them out again.

"I'll, ah, well, take care," he said.

"We will," Olivia replied. "It's…been a nightmare. A… _blurry_ nightmare and I don't quite feel right."

"Good you're takin' some time off."

"Ed, I, I, want to thank you for rushing back here. That was so," Olivia looked up at the ceiling, "So…selfless on your part and so _undeserved_ on my part."

He dared to grab her hand. She didn't flinch or pull away, so he held it even more tightly. "You didn't deserve what happened," he said softly, "And you _do_ deserve as many people on your side as possible."

Her eyes filled with unshed tears as she mouthed another _thank you_. For a second she thought he was going to kiss her. She even readied for him to kiss her. It would be on the cheek. A quick peck. Innocent. Friendly. Reassuring. And just when she decided she was perfectly fine with that, just when she wanted it, he released her hand, said goodbye, and left.

….

With Noah asleep at her side, Olivia spent most of the early morning hours beating herself up over the way she'd treated Ed. The man jumped on a plane the second he found out Noah was in danger, and she had barely spoken to him the entire night. At least she'd been honest. She was struggling, and he seemed to not only understand but also concede she needed time alone with her son. She needed to recover the security and confidence she'd lost. She needed to forgive herself, but now she was mired in a new round of guilt because, for most of the night, Olivia treated Ed as an enemy. The only redeeming moments were the final ones, and she hadn't come close to expressing the totality of her gratitude. Ed went home thinking he'd bothered her. She saw it in his eyes. In his weak smirk as he said goodbye.

Olivia touched the top of her right hand where Ed's thumb had been earlier. She closed her eyes and remembered how he always played with her fingers after they made love. He would clutch her hand to his chest and rest his chin on top of her head. They never talked much before drifting off to sleep, but words weren't necessary.

For a while there, everything had been perfect.

Olivia took another deep breath and sighed.

A round of _what ifs_ ensued.

What if Ed had been by her side all along? Through the debacle about Noah's bruised arm? The anguish of family court? Ed would have most certainly never stopped being suspicious of Sheila and her intentions. What if he had been around? What if she had not pushed him out of their lives? Would Ed have deterred the kidnapping?

She tossed and turned. Typed, deleted, and retyped text messages to Ed. Closed her eyes and tried to force sleep.

And by the time the sun rose, she sent no messages and managed less than an hour of shut-eye. Before going to the kitchen for coffee, she rearranged the covers around Noah. When she kissed the top of his head, she was face-to-face with Eddie the Elephant.

…..

Olivia hurried Noah into their building. She held his hand until they were safely in the elevator. He peeked into one of their bags, found the grapes, and popped one into his mouth. Perfectly happy, he made faces at himself in the mirror while his mother took deep breaths. Anyone who took more than a passing glance at Noah caused panic. Being out—on the streets, in stores, even in a taxi—terrified Olivia over and over again.

Making matters worse, Noah constantly asked about Sheila. With Christmas coming, both he and Olivia had assumed they would all spend the holiday together. Noah mentioned he would ask Santa for the chance to see Grandma Sheila again. Olivia brushed off his requests, changed the subject, and tried not to let her anger and self-loathing bubble to the surface.

"What are we gonna do now?" Noah asked after they unpacked their purchases.

"Well," Olivia said, "Let's have lunch and then…want to play cards?"

"Sure!"

"Mommy?"

"Yes sweet boy?" Olivia clenched her jaw, predicting another grandma question.

"Can Ed play cards with us?"

She relaxed her jaw, but a pit formed in her stomach. "Ed was just here yesterday."

"But he used to be here all the time!"

"Sweetie, Ed—"

"He had to go on more trips?"

"Yes," Olivia replied, grateful Noah answered his own inquiry. "More trips…"

"We could go, but you have to work."

Olivia slid Noah a plate with his sandwich and grapes. "Not today," she said brightly, in her typical subject-changing fashion, "Today it's just you and me."

"Maybe we'll call Ed tomorrow?"

Olivia smiled at her son. "Sure. Maybe tomorrow."

…..

 _I don't really want to deal with Christmas…so I'm ending the chapter here and it's significantly shorter than what I usually write. Time jump to Flight Risk and Info Wars next._


	3. Chapter 3

_**Three—after Info Wars/before The Undiscovered Country (the date cards for these two episodes overlap, so I'm pretending there were a few days between the end of Info Wars and the search for missing baby Drew).**_

Tucker did a double-take after spotting Olivia enter the bar, locate him, and begin a slow saunter across the narrow space. Not only did she appear depressingly haggard, but her hair was different—shaggy bangs hung over her forehead—and his first urge as she neared was to brush them out of her eyes. Fortunate to have scored this unofficial date, Ed ignored the style change for the time being and returned her smile with one of his own. He politely helped her out of her black trench coat—the one with the leather sleeves-and draped it across the back of her chair. Skipping pleasantries, she ordered a drink and took a sip before saying anything more than the initial hello.

"Too late for Happy New Year?" He asked, the familiar smirk on his face.

"I'll let you slide," Olivia said, touching her glass to his. "Sorry I'm late. Been here long?"

"Nah."

"I'm surprised you're still in the city," she said, "I thought you'd be on your way to someplace warm."

"Soon," Tucker said.

"Where?"

"Florida. There's an NYPD reunion goin' on and I'm playing in a scramble. Good thing I got some swings in out west."

"Good luck," Olivia said. "Playing with anyone I know?"

"I don't think so. A guy from IAB I worked with before Cole and two ladies—detectives from Brooklyn."

Olivia couldn't help but raise her eyebrows. Ed was still smirking, probably curious at how she would react to the two female golf partners.

"The four of us were the only ones without partners," he continued, "I don't know them at all."

"It'll be good to get out of this cold," Olivia said, "Not that you've been in it much. Are you…thinking about becoming permanently bicoastal?"

Ed grinned at _bicoastal_. The word sounded too trendy and uppity to come from Olivia's mouth. "I don't think so. Not now. This is still home."

Olivia took a contemplative sip. The generous pour was nearly gone. She glanced peripherally at his glass and, seeing it also near empty, calmed down. Ed was nervous, too. She also caught a glimpse of his thick, strong hands and remembered his touch from over a month ago like it was yesterday. Everything else after Sheila's capture and Noah's rescue was a hopeless blur, but Ed's presence was a pleasant, comforting, crystal clear memory.

"You've had a couple of high profile cases back-to-back," he said, eager to shift the conversation away from him for a while. "Everything…settlin' down now?"

Olivia understood he was trying to ask her how she was doing without actually _asking her how she was doing_. "I hope so."

"How's Noah?"

"Good. Back to school, back to his routine. Children are resilient…though I'm constantly worried, every day, that he's going to ask to see his grandmother. He hasn't asked about her for a couple weeks, but I'm sure he will again."

"Whaddya been sayin?"

Her jaw trembled ever so slightly as she described a combination of not answering Noah's questions and giving him the vaguest details about Grandma Sheila's whereabouts. In reality, Mrs. Porter had been extradited from New Hampshire and was being held without bail. With all the evidence stacked against her, Olivia predicted a plea agreement, but even if Sheila avoided federal kidnapping charges, she was sure to spend a few years behind bars.

"Anything else botherin' him?"

"Not that I can tell. At least, not yet."

"And you?" Ed tentatively took her hand expecting her to flinch or even recoil, but, just like at her house, she responding by squeezing his fingers.

"I don't know that it's ever _not_ going to bother me," she admitted softly, her eyes downcast and shoulders slumped. "How stupid was I? That's all I keep saying to myself. And if one more person tells me not to beat myself up or that it could happen to anyone, I think I may rip a head off."

"Thanks for the warning," Ed quipped.

Her hand still wrapped in his, Olivia gave him a playful, appreciative nudge.

"Want another one?" He asked.

"Can we…can we get out of here? Maybe go to your place for a little while? I have some time."

Unsure exactly what _going to his place_ entailed, Ed tried not to get too excited. He paid and they walked the familiar route to his building. Once inside Ed offered another drink and Olivia accepted. She took a sip, put the glass on the counter, and approached Ed.

"I…I shut you out and everything went to hell," she said, sliding her arms around his waist. Her eyes, full of agony and desolation, bored into his.

Ed tilted his upper body backwards, away from her; it hadn't been unusual for Olivia to be aggressive with him while they were together, but they weren't _together_ and he was unsure about her motives and how he should respond.

"I dunno if one has to do with the other," he said matter-of-factly.

"You wouldn't have trusted her," Olivia said.

"I don't trust many people."

"Do you still trust me?" She was practically begging him to answer in the affirmative.

Ed felt her fingertips press more firmly into his lower back and he answered sincerely. "I do." His voice was barely audible. He rubbed her shoulders. "Liv, what are we doin here?"

"I want to feel in control again." She kissed him firmly on the lips. "I want to make a decision and not feel guilty about it. Not question it."

Ed hated to object. The kiss felt so good. He missed kissing her. He missed making love to her. He missed _her_. But this felt wrong. It was too desperate. As much as he wanted to love her again, he would never forgive himself for taking advantage of a moment of weakness and vulnerability.

"You will feel guilty later on," he said, "You _will_ question it. You're prolly questioning it right now."

Olivia let her head fall into his chest. Ed held her close, one arm across her back and the other stroking her hair. Sobs were imminent, and he was ready.

"Let it out, Liv." Her body trembled. She took a few sharp breaths, holding back her cries. "It's okay," he whispered. "I'm right here. It's okay. You'll feel better. Let it go."

…

A while later, Olivia sheepishly dabbed at her eyes with a damp wad of tissues. After she completely broke down against Ed's chest and her hiccupping bawls abated, they moved to the sofa. Ed gave her a glass of water and hovered over her as she took a sip as if he thought there was a chance she would go through the motions and not drink anything.

"I'm sorry," she said in a throaty voice.

The strands of hair framing her face were damp and clumped together, but Olivia made no move to brush them back, preferring instead to hide behind her tresses. At the moment, they served as an perfect line of defense.

She laughed self-deprecatingly. "One minute I'm propositioning you and the next I'm a sniveling mess."

"I really don't mind either one," Ed joked.

To his relief, she smiled. To her surprise, she wasn't nearly as embarrassed as she probably ought to have been.

Since they were both out on a limb, Ed dared to inch closer so their knees were touching. "What else is goin' on, Liv?"

Her hands fluttered around as she rambled. "You were right, about the past couple of weeks, these two, the pilot and Cross, they, well, it's like everything continues to push the envelope. I mean, I _get_ the good ole' boys club, hell, I'm a woman in the NYPD, I've seen it, but not to this extent, that _airline_ …I wanted to either vomit or punch him…maybe both. The whole thing made me replay every conversation I've had with Dodds recently, and I'm second guessing everything. Overanalyzing it. Is he playing me? He's been understanding, generous, even friendly, but there's still so much gray area there, between us, I want to trust him, but I don't. He's a walking ulterior motive."

"Politician," Ed muttered disdainfully. On multiple occasions he'd expressed his dislike for both Dodds the person and his position within the NYPD.

"…And then _Barba_ …"

Another smirk formed on Ed's face, and he was helpless to stop it. On a dime, Olivia shook off the despondency and spoke ardently, maybe a bit incredulously in response to Barba's decision to abruptly dismiss the charges against Justin Vichinsky.

"I'm worried about him," she said, "He seems off."

"Tough case for him, too," Tucker replied.

"Sure. But he's moved forward on less."

"I followed the trial. From the news…seemed like it turned into a sounding board for everyone to duke out opposing agendas. Tough to weed all that out, especially tough to ask the jurors to sift through it in today's climate. I guess he figured he'd cut his losses. He can refile."

Olivia let out a quick, sardonic chuckle. "Know where I found our _victim_?"

"Where?"

"In her alleged rapist's coffee shop."

Ed screwed up his face.

" _Yeah_. It almost seemed…" Olivia shook her head shamefully, "…like the two of them teamed up to create this mess in order to give them both a very public platform."

"Now wouldn't _that_ be a story."

She appreciated the pivot to levity. "Right? Maybe they're secretly seeing each other. Who knows?" She shrugged and glanced at her watch. "I should go."

"Busy this week?" Ed asked a little too eagerly and then reprimanded himself for the stupid question.

"Probably," Olivia sighed, "But, ah, I think I owe you a more enjoyable few hours together than this."

Blushing and probably inferring more flirtation than she'd intended, Ed insisted she didn't owe him anything. "I'll bring you and Noah dinner?" Ed guessed Olivia would be leery about leaving her son with a babysitter at night.

"Or we could go out?"

"Sure."

"Tomorrow?"

Ed raised his eyebrows. He expected a more nebulous timetable. "Yeah, uh, sure, I was planning to stop at the funeral home, but that won't take very long. I'll come to your place around seven?"

"Sure," Olivia said, "I didn't realize you and Stone knew each other."

"He prosecuted a few IAB cases when I first started there."

"I didn't even know he was sick."

"Me neither." Ed slapped his thighs and stood. He held out a hand to Olivia, helped her up, and pulled her in for a hug. She allowed her body to relax against his. Ironically, their close proximity made Ed miss her even more. Before she left, he tenderly kissed her cheek.

"See you tomorrow."

….

The next day, the gray clouds that had threatened a storm all afternoon finally began dumping snow showers across the city. Unlike most snowfall, the precipitation did not begin as innocuous flurries but as instantaneous, blinding sheets of oversized snowflakes. Olivia had to brush several of them from her shoulders as she entered her neighborhood nail salon. She was an infrequent but familiar customer, and the ladies greeted her warmly. After a manicure, Olivia selected a bold crimson color—the choice was so unusual the tech raised her eyebrows, but her customer simply nodded.

Olivia had her reasons.

At home she took extra care to curl her brown tresses into loose waves and did her best to incorporate the impulsively-chopped bangs into her longer locks. Yesterday she noticed Ed sneaking curious glances at her, and she was certain he was reacting to the bangs, her obvious exhaustion, or both. She examined herself in the mirror. A healthy hue had returned to her face; she hoped Ed could tolerate the bangs for the time being.

"Mommy! You look pretty!" Noah wandered in and bounced on the bed.

"Thank you, sweet boy," Olivia kissed the top of his head and crossed the room to her jewelry box. "Are you sure you don't mind me having dinner with Ed tonight?"

"Nope! Lucy said she's bringing pizza and a movie!"

Olivia smiled. "Sounds like a plan." Noah narrowed his eyes. "What's wrong, sweetie?"

He pointed at her hand. "You painted your nails!"

"I did," she said, "What do you think?"

"I like it!" Noah cocked his head and furrowed his brow. "It's red like the ring!"

Amazed at her son's memory, Olivia broke into a wide grin. "You're right. I thought I would wear it tonight." Olivia plucked the rose-gold ruby ring from the padded drawer and slipped it on her right ring finger. She heard the heavily accented French artisan's voice explaining its meaning.

" _Rubies…they represent courage…and power."_

In the wake of Mike Dodds' death, the purchase of a ring was a risky move, but Ed, willing to try anything in order to help Olivia heal, readily handed over a fistful of euros.

" _It works best here," the woman said, tapping the appropriate finger. "And not all the time. When you need the power and courage. That's when you wear it."_

She put her hand on display for her son. "How does it look?"

"Great!"

Noah continued bouncing while Olivia dabbed on the rest of her makeup.

"Mommy?"

"Yes?"

"After you eat with Ed can he come here and play cards? You said we could play cards with him but we never did!"

"It might be too late to play tonight," Olivia said, "But, I tell ya what, when Ed gets here you can invite him some other time to play."

"But what if he goes on another trip?"

Olivia stared at the ring. "I think…he may be sticking around a little more now," she said. The statement was part educated guess and part wishful thinking. "So, make sure you practice playing cards with Lucy tonight. You'll want to be ready."

"We'll practice the game with three," Noah said. "We'll let Eddie play."

"Good idea."

"Mommy, if Ed goes on a plane again, we should go with him."

Olivia peered outside. Wind whipped the bare trees. Though the snow had stopped falling, the gusts sent the fallen flakes swirling into the air.

"We'll see, sweet boy," she said, "We'll see."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	4. Chapter 4

_**Four.**_

Even in Florida, retired Captain Ed Tucker caught wind of the news. It both filtered through the grapevine and was featured in local newspaper headlines.

 _New York City DA Acquitted_

 _Manhattan Jury Spares Now-Former ADA_

On the golf course and afterwards in the clubhouse, the former officers spouted off about the case. A handful criticized the jury and Barba's actions, but most either vociferously commended the decision or tacitly agreed by nodding their approvals. Though opinions were strong, the debate didn't last long. Ed breathed a sigh of relief when the conversation shifted to more comfortable topics like Major League Baseball spring training and who cashed in on skins and closest-to-the-pin contests.

He returned to the hotel early and, having had beers on the course and two bourbons after the round, had to take care not to stumble or sway. In the room he heaved himself onto the plush mattress. Hotel beds appealed to Ed. He liked the sanitized bleachy-scent of the crisp white sheets, the fluffy down comforter, and the long body pillows this particular chain offered. In his boozy, hazy, sun-drenched state, he let his thoughts wander to Olivia.

 _How is she handling Barba's Departure?_

 _Who's taking over?_

 _She's tough, but with Noah and Sheila…everyone has a breaking point._

As he wondered what would have happened if he hadn't stopped her desperate advances at his apartment, his midsection tingled with arousal. He had done the right thing, but that didn't lessen his desire for the woman with whom he could not manage to fall out of love. The dinner they'd shared before his trip only intensified the longing. It had taken him all of thirty seconds to notice her hands—the sexy red polish and the ring they'd purchased in Paris. Greeting her, he kissed that hand. He detected a shiver. She coyly smiled.

The date (and it was a date) began a bit awkwardly with neither one of them knowing exactly how quickly or how slowly to dive into serious conversation. Ed asked about Noah. Olivia told him the little boy was eager to play cards. But she didn't extend an invitation to come over, and Ed didn't press the issue. When the food arrived they freely sampled from each other's plates, they relaxed and fell into their old routine of sassy banter, and, for a while, they operated as if they were a couple again.

Nevertheless, on the way back to her building, Olivia set a brisk pace, clearly focused on getting home to keep a watchful eye on her son. She mumbled something about him sleeping in his own bed, and, by the time they reached her block, it was a foregone conclusion that Ed was not going to be asked upstairs. He kissed her cheek, said a sincere good bye, and, two days later, he was on an airplane to Florida.

"Whadda I have to lose?" He muttered as he half-rolled over to pluck his phone from the back pocket of his shorts. He debated between texting and calling, settled on calling, and waited impatiently for her to answer.

"Hey."

Ed smirked. She sounded good. Unhurried. Calm. And maybe a bit happy to hear his voice?

"Hi," he said, suddenly self-conscious about sounding intoxicated.

"How's the Sunshine State?"

"Good. And living up to its name."

"You may not want to come back too quickly," she said, "It's brutally cold here."

Ed's heart sank even though he knew she was only making a lighthearted comment. He wanted her to tell him to hurry back because she couldn't stand New York without him. "Saw it on the news. So I suppose it would be considered taunting to tell you I have a sunburn."

"Yes," Olivia said slowly and playfully, "Yes it would."

He imagined she was biting her lip—one of her little mannerisms he discovered very early on in their relationship. Next to her pure, unrestrained laughter, it was his favorite Olivia Benson expression. She bit that lip when she teased him. She bit it right before he kissed her for the first time, and, later, when she was in the mood for lively, playful sex.

"Sorry."

" _Sure_."

"Hey, uh, I also saw the news, about Barba, and was wonderin' how you're doin with all that?"

"We've been so busy…" Olivia trailed off, realizing this parrying maneuver wasn't going to fly with Ed. "It's hard," she admitted with a sigh. "I miss him…as a prosecutor and as a friend. You work with someone that long, you develop a synergy…and, with Stone, not only do I not know him, he's never worked SVU cases before so I'm starting at zero."

"Stone?"

"Yes."

"I thought he lived in Chicago?"

"McCoy brought him on."

"Must be nice to have those connections."

Olivia laughed. Ed had myriad connections but always downplayed them and liked to pretend otherwise. "Must be…"

"What else?"

"It's just been hard lately."

"Tough cases?"

"They always are," she said gloomily, "So there's that, then the fact I'm constantly worried about Noah, I can't sleep…then there was the whole thing with Brian—"

"—Cassidy?"

"Yes." The relentless media covered the trial and its aftermath, but the details about Cassidy absconding had been successfully kept under wraps. "When we…he…he showed up at my door in the middle of the night…he'd been to the doctors house…" Olivia swallowed hard. She hated having to admit to Ed she'd harbored her ex-boyfriend (and, briefly, a murder suspect) for two days. But she did. She told him the entire, honest truth, including the encounter on the street outside the restaurant. She expected Ed to mutter something derisive, but he only replied with a throaty, truly sympathetic _damn_.

"Even after everything he's done," Olivia continued, "I felt like he deserved my trust. A chance…I don't know…I don't know what I was thinking."

"Sounds like it was more you reacting."

"Perhaps. But I don't know why I felt that way. He almost cost me my son. To this day I can't figure out why in the world he thought it was a good idea to chat about _that_ over after-work drinks. Maybe I was just surprised he had the balls to ask for my help…"

Ed adjusted the pillows so he was more upright. He listened to her vent for another few minutes and was so quiet Olivia eventually paused and asked him if he was still there.

"Yeah, yeah."

"I guess…you didn't call to hear this, huh?"

"I did," he replied softly, "I called to hear you."

Olivia's jaw dropped.

"I miss you, Liv." Ed took a deep, nervous breath, awaiting her reply. At first, it wasn't exactly what he wanted to hear.

"Brian asked me…asked me about whether or not I was ever going to _bare my soul_ to him, I don't know why he asked me that, we're…we've been over for a long time." She was in her office; Ed heard the tinny sound of the blinds as Olivia closed the door. She continued in a louder, albeit shakier voice. "I miss being able to bare my soul to you, Ed. And I miss that you understand how hard it was for me to admit that just now. I miss being happy with you. I think about all the happy moments in my life and they mostly involve either you or Noah. I lost you. Then I almost lost Noah. _Twice_. You would think, since I've been such a stranger to happiness, I would fiercely hang onto it, but I was reckless with you and careless with Sheila, and maybe I simply don't deserve it."

Ed finally interrupted. "Stop," he said firmly, "Liv, stop. The upshot is, you didn't lose Noah. You got to him. Rescued him. You may still beat yourself up about it, but…You. Have. Him. And you didn't lose me. I'm here," he smirked and hoped she would smile at his impending attempt at levity, "Well, I'm _here_ , in Florida right now, but I wanted us then and I want us now. I've never stopped wanting us."

"When do you come back?"

"I can be back tonight if you want." Ed didn't care if he sounded desperate. Olivia had essentially given him the green light for a second go-round at their relationship, and he was no longer willing to waste time. He wanted to jump right back in and resume his role as the stable, solid, loving presence she needed and deserved.

"You already juggled travel plans for me once…"

Ed chuckled, "I'd do it a million more times."

"Seriously. When is your regular flight?"

"Tuesday."

Two days away.

"I'll be at trial all day," Olivia said. By her estimation, it would be a difficult day with both a young man in need of a donor heart and Dr. Franchella testifying. "But, that night…stop by?"

"Sure. I'll bring dinner and cards."

"Ha! We have so many decks…"

"Noah likes a new deck…"

"Yes he does."

A silence ensued. Neither awkward nor uncomfortable. A moment of quietude to reset and allow themselves to accept and believe they had, without saying the words, recommitted to each other.

"I can't wait to see you, Liv."

"Me neither," she replied in a half-whisper. "Enjoy the rest of your trip. Bring back some sun and warmer temperatures."

"One way or another, I will."

….

The snag regarding Doctor Franchella's financial records made Olivia's breath catch in her throat. Despite the doctor's alleged criminal acts, Olivia saw gray and found herself in the rare position of seeing the merit in a perp's motivations.

"I'll have my people check it out," she said of the financial transactions.

"Alright," Stone replied, "Let me know. Sure you don't want a drink?"

Olivia checked her watch. "Yeah I am. I have to get going actually. I'll give Rollins a call on the way home and have her and Fin start digging through the records."

"Good deal."

Olivia hustled from the bar and hurried home. Ed had landed that afternoon and was awaiting her text. When it arrived, he ordered the food, patted his coat pocket to make sure the cards were still there, and headed out. Giddy with anticipation, he smiled as he walked. He predicted, accurately as it turned out, that Noah would run to him and hug his legs. Olivia would follow with a slightly tentative smile on her face, a smile which would quickly shift to one of confidence and peace as he wrapped her in a firm embrace.

After dinner, the trio played Crazy Eights, a game Noah struggled with when Ed first taught him. Now, older and his memory refreshed, Noah caught on quickly and waved away offers of assistance. He jubilantly slapped down his cards and helped calculate points. When, in the end, Ed emerged victorious, Noah demanded a rematch.

"Probably have to wait 'til next time to do that, bud."

Noah looked at his mother with wide, hopeful eyes but was met with a head shake. "Sorry, mister," Olivia said, "Bedtime. Go get your pajamas on. I'll be in in a minute."

Noah pretended to pout, but quickly brightened. "Ed, are _you_ gonna read me a story tonight?"

"I think I'm going to clean everything up while you two read, okay?"

Pondering the idea, Noah surveyed the room. "Yeah, good idea." He held out his arms. "Hug."

"Absolutely."

…

Olivia returned to a living room that had been cleared of clutter and the remnants of their take-out taco feast. Ed was sitting in the middle of the couch, leaving Olivia the option of sitting in the chair or within very close proximity to him. She chose the latter and sat with her legs tucked under her body with her back against the armrest.

"He's finally staying in his bed all night," she murmured, glancing toward the back of the apartment.

Ed's cheeks burned. "Yeah?"

Olivia blushed as well, realizing her comment could have and apparently had been easily misconstrued as an invitation for Ed to spend the night. Her hand flew to her face, "I mean…he…"

"I know," Ed said with a smirk. He swatted at her knee then extended his own legs so they were resting on the coffee table. "C'mere. Sit with me."

Olivia sidled up to him and Ed wrapped both arms around her. He kissed her head. "How'd it go today?"

"This case is heartbreaking," Olivia forced a sarcastic chuckle, "Figuratively _and_ literally. This little boy testified today…and of course, all I can think about is Noah and what if that were Noah, but I say the same thing when I think about Zoe's parents' perspective…"

"Worst kinda case…"

"Certainly falls in that category, yes."

Ed recognized she was in no mood for heavy relationship talk, so he tightened his hold and kissed her again. He asked if she wanted TV or a movie, but she declined, preferring to simply sit there and relax.

"But if you want—"

"—Nope. I want to be here with you."

"You really are sunburned," Olivia said, "It looks like it hurts."

"A little."

"I think I might have some after-sun spray."

"That's alright. I'm good. Don't wanna move, either."

Olivia smiled and closed her eyes. Resting her head on his chest felt so perfect, so right—it always had—and she added the sensation to the growing list of Ed-related things she hadn't realized were so _necessary_.

"So are we really doing this?"

She posed the question after several minutes of silence, so, in addition to being bold and assertive, it also came out amplified.

"Doing _us_ again?"

"Yes."

"I wanna give it a shot."

Olivia laughed softly. Ed's reply better fit a suggestion to try a new restaurant or a new activity. "I do, too."

"Good. We agree on one thing."

Olivia furrowed her brow and craned her neck so she could see his face. "I didn't think us disagreeing was our problem."

"It wasn't."

Still frowning, Olivia asked, "What _was_ our problem?"

"We didn't have one."

Ed could have delivered the answer as a scathing gut-punch, but he sounded innocent, rueful, and maybe a bit inexperienced and childlike. Nevertheless, Olivia winced. Fiercely independent yet lacking confidence in her ability to be someone's romantic partner, having a real relationship challenged her. At first, it was a good challenge. The beginning, the exciting parts, unfolded on the rockiest terrain, but she and Ed soldiered through, strengthening their bond in the process. Yet her self-doubt eventually became a self-fulfilling prophecy, and rather than let Ed take her hand and provide reassurance, she fled.

"Now I realize that was the problem."

"Whaddya mean?"

"There was no problem," Olivia said, "And that scared me."

"And now it doesn't?"

"No," she replied, "Well, maybe a little…"

Ed smirked. "Tell me when you get scared," he rasped. "I love you, Liv. The last thing I want is for you to be scared."

She traced the outline of his cheekbone with her thumb and stared into his eyes. Seconds later, she bit her lip, cocked her head, and kissed him. It was possessive, passionate, and clearly intended to add punctuation to her insistence she was ready for, as Ed put it, another shot.

….

 **#Tuckson**


End file.
